Knit Re-boot

I decided the drop stitch scarf was not a good first knit project. I chose too fine a yarn & too small needles (sock weight on size 6). Plus the lovely effect of multiple drop stitches made it impossible for me to maintain tension. So I put that project aside.

As I now know, I need a project that lets me practice the basic garter stitch - row after row of knit stitch. But that sounds boring, not lovely or satisfying (while necessary).

Enter the "Baktus Scarf." A super simple garter stitch scarf with the design element of adding a stitch every 4 rows - so I cast on 4 stitches - then go back and forth adding one stitch every four rows resulting in a gradual triangle. Then I'll get to a mid-point and start decreasing one stitch every four rows back to the ending 4 stitches. A lovely triangle - hopefully with no holes or other obvious boo-boos.
And I chose a bulky weight yarn and size 11 needles to make progress at more than a slow snail's pace.

After one night (and various DVR TV shows), I have knit over 11" of Baktus. I'm pleased with my progress, the pattern, and especially the yarn - Lion Brand Tweed Stripes in a pretty blue-purple-green gradation. Pic is scarf so far.

And I haven't forgotten that tomorrow will start in an ordinary way - just New Years Eve SIX years ago.

Slow going

Knitting progress is much slower than crochet. My best guess is that I have about three hours of solid knitting time invested in my Drop Stitch Scarf. For this:

looking forward

I don't like the idea of resolutions. They're just MADE to be broken! While I think it's a great idea to set January 1 as the first day of a non-smoking life, or of a healthier diet, etc -- most resolutions are too vague to be effective. And they don't take into account that Life Happens. Things interrupt. Events disrupt plans.

I'm staying away from resolutions. I like making "goals" instead. For 2011, my goal was to run a mile without stopping. I did that. And it took me until November to do it (twice). Why November? Because I realized the year was ending and I hadn't reached my goal. So I did it. And I don't feel all that obligated to do it again. Maybe. Eh. Depends on how I feel.

So far, I have two goals for 2012. First, I'd like to become a competent knitter. To that end, I have a "how to knit" DVD that I've watched (with lots of REPLAY and PAUSE) with yarn and needles in hand. Now I've "cast on" (that's knitting lingo for "started") a pretty scarf called "Easy Drop Stitch Scarf." So far, I've completed about ten rows, and it's going well.

Second, I think I want to log 500 miles in 2012. Walking, running, swimming. Doesn't matter to me. 500 miles in a year is 9.62 miles a week. Easy-peasy, I say knowing how things like to turn and bite me in the ass. Over the xmas 4-day weekend, I walked over 12 miles, so it seems like a realistic and do-able goal.

These are both attainable goals which will require some effort on my part - but nothing at all like the effort it takes to quit smoking! No one will be injured in my knitting or walking (but when I quit smoking - it was dangerous to be in my general vicinity!).

I hope to check in here and keep myself accountable and updated on my progress. Surely, photos will follow in due course, but here is a photo of the scarf as made by someone who knows what they're doing!

Knit practice

One of my goals for 2012 is to become a proficient knitter. I love crochet and the things crochet can become. However there are some things that knit stitches and knit fabric can do that crochet can't. Knit fabric - stockinette stitch - is the familiar stitch we see on every sweater - commercial or handmade. You can't get that with crochet. So anyway - I want to expand my crafting repertoire to include knitting.

I was gifted a "How to Knit" DVD which I've spent a while watching this afternoon. I am somewhat familiar with knitting - having tried to learn several times in the past.

After time spent being a good pupil (using REPLAY many times), here is my first swatch (using VC yarn & size 10 needles). Garter stitch - stockinette stitch - 2x2 ribbing - and bind-off. Yay me! Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Woof!

What to Do?

I'm feeling unsettled. All my crochet efforts came to a crashing crescendo with my Xmas efforts. I finished a book ("Port Mortuary") Xmas eve so I could pass it on to Ashley that night. I watched the last episode of last years "Dexter" whi le crocheting furiously before Xmas.

No book. No DVD series. No crochet project deadline. Nothing at all on my To Do list. It's been months since there was no project to complete. Unsettled.

I still have yarn (stash, we call it). I was gifted three new books, and have chosen the next to read. Three non-series DVDs have arrived (Netflix sent me an extra for Xmas!). So it's not lack of materials unsettling me.

It's the knowledge that once I choose yarn & pattern, once I read Page One - I'm off in To Do land again - something to finish.

I'm savoring the lack of a task for a day or two - but I'm itching to undertake a new project - to see where hook & yarn will take me - to see where my books will lead. I think I'll go pore over patterns for a while - choices need to be made.

Gifts made with love (and yarn & crochet hook)

Here are the four afghans made and given with much love this Xmas: Sherry's 12patch, Beverly's Iris, the Buckner's Babette, and Mom & Dad's Hexaghan. I enjoy thinking about the recipient(s) as I transform the yarn into handcrafted works of art. When Elisha grows up, maybe no one will still crochet - it'll all be computerized somehow. And maybe he will remember his Grammy with warm, comforting thoughts. I truly enjoy my hobby, my craft, my artistic expression through color & pattern choices. I don't know what 2012 will bring - but I'll face it with hook & yarn by my side.

Un-Grinch-ifying

For the past forever since we lost Anna, I've felt very much the Grinch. Only there was no frame-breaking heart-growing for me. I stayed mean and broken and sad and wished the calendar would fly straight from Thanksgiving to Mid-March. No holiday to remind me what I was missing. No anniversary of the loss that forever changed our lives.

However. I think perhaps my heart is less broken now. It's not bursting out of it's x-ray frame, but I imagine a heart taped back together - missing a few pieces that are gone forever, struggling to endure.
It's hard to say where the tape and bandaid came from. Part is the joy in my heart in seeing my Jessica happily married to James. I do so want her happiness in life. And Elisha is a happy boy too - James has made their family more complete. Part is the contentment I've found in my relationship with Chuck. We've been together nearly three years, but something inside me changed when we got married. I've surrendered some of the burden of responsibility I've felt FOR EVERYTHING. And letting go of that has lightened my heart, I suppose. I still have times when my guilt and shame and sadness and anger and hopelessness return to visit me, but it's not so bad (Better living through chemicals helps). I've grown very accustomed to the weight of all that.

I wish I had more memories. Many of my memories of my babies is shuffled and confused - I know ONE of them did that - or said that - but I don't remember which. I wish I had more memories to cover myself up with. Good memories. But most of what I have left are the memories of my teenager Anna. So - if you're reading this, and you have little ones - GO NOW! Make a memory. Sit on the sofa and hold them - smell them - feel their hair and their skin. Make as many memories as you can. In years to come, no matter how they leave you - your memories will be all you have. Go. Now.