My frustration with the medical system is at an all time high. I feel like a ping-pong ball sent back and forth between doctors, with increasingly dire diagnoses, and patient care coming to a basic halt. I’m so very frustrated at what’s happening and NOT happening to me.
The chronology –
April 9th Annual OB appt – Dr Lahti sent me to Dr Mahmoud due to increased hormone levels (no big deal)
June 23rd Appt with Dr Mahmoud was cancelled – no one contacted me to reschedule – I found out the appt was cancelled when I called to confirm the appt.
Sept 15th Rescheduled with Dr Mahmoud who sent me for blood work
Sept 30th Dr Mahmoud’s concerns with blood work results, ordered CT Scan & sonogram; Sent me back to Dr Lahti – now concerned with “mass” on left ovary
Oct 28th Dr Lahti’s concerns to send me to Duke
Nov 11th Consultation appt at Duke OB/Oncology dept
After speaking to the Duke OB/Oncologist office, surgeries are backed up with liklihood of any possible surgery AFTER Christmas. I realize nothing can or will be done about this. I’m just terribly frustrated. If I could remove the ovary, I would. If there were a WalMart surgery, I’d have it. Just take it out NOW – why make me wait two or three months – to give whatever it is plenty of time to spread? How am I supposed to feel about this? Furious and frustrated - which are my emotions of choice. I need to take a deep breath and get over it.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Mabry Mill
Unlike me, my bf thinks we should actually DO something on the weekend. To me, "doing nothing" is perfectly acceptable pasttime for Sundays. There are football games to watch, naps to take, popcorn to munch while watching football games in between naps...
This past Sunday, he talked me into going up to Mabry Mill on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Sounded like a good plan - he was going to drive, so I could still nap if necessary. Since Sunday was the NASCAR race in Martinsville (which was on our way), we played "How many state troopers can you count?" - much like "I Spy" only easier, because they were everywhere. In less than an hour, we had passed five of the sneaks lying in wait for unsuspecting speeders.
To get to the Mill, we had to go up Lover's Leap. For those of you who haven't had the immense pleasure of driving up a mountain, back and forth on severely sharp curvy steep roads, let me say that it made me sick. Thank goodness, I never got all the way seasick, I got a constant yucky headache that made it more 'enduro-driving' than fun. The Blue Ridge Parkway is well known for the beautiful foliage displays. I think we missed them by about two weeks. Ohwell. A leaf is a leaf. Here's the Mill. {I confess, with my head hurting as it was, I felt like, BIG DEAL!}
The bf was great about stopping at roadside stands. We never did buy any of the pumpkins, apples, gourds or gi-normous cabbages. And forgot all about finding the yarn shop I was supposed to be looking for! I am glad we went and enjoyed a lovely, clear, crisp fall day. Especially after the half Dramamine I took - I slept about four hours straight. Now THAT's a good nap!
This past Sunday, he talked me into going up to Mabry Mill on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Sounded like a good plan - he was going to drive, so I could still nap if necessary. Since Sunday was the NASCAR race in Martinsville (which was on our way), we played "How many state troopers can you count?" - much like "I Spy" only easier, because they were everywhere. In less than an hour, we had passed five of the sneaks lying in wait for unsuspecting speeders.
To get to the Mill, we had to go up Lover's Leap. For those of you who haven't had the immense pleasure of driving up a mountain, back and forth on severely sharp curvy steep roads, let me say that it made me sick. Thank goodness, I never got all the way seasick, I got a constant yucky headache that made it more 'enduro-driving' than fun. The Blue Ridge Parkway is well known for the beautiful foliage displays. I think we missed them by about two weeks. Ohwell. A leaf is a leaf. Here's the Mill. {I confess, with my head hurting as it was, I felt like, BIG DEAL!}
The bf was great about stopping at roadside stands. We never did buy any of the pumpkins, apples, gourds or gi-normous cabbages. And forgot all about finding the yarn shop I was supposed to be looking for! I am glad we went and enjoyed a lovely, clear, crisp fall day. Especially after the half Dramamine I took - I slept about four hours straight. Now THAT's a good nap!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Elisha turns SIX !!! All PHOTOS
Elisha celebrated his SIXTH birthday in grand fashion at Chuck E Cheese. I think we had Jessica's fourth or fifth birthday party at the very same Chuck E Cheese. Was that just yesterday my girls were so little? ... At any rate - we all had a great time!
E with his PaPa,
E with his PaPa, Hattie, Adam and Zane at SkeeBall... Hattie LOVED the ChuckECheese car ride!
Mikayla's face did NOT stick like this, thank goodness!
Purple Cast Power ON, Jes!
His most favorite gift - an iPod preloaded with BEATLES music!
Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
Purple Cast Power ON, Jes!
His most favorite gift - an iPod preloaded with BEATLES music!Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
Monday, October 19, 2009
New room!
No picture yet, but yesterday was the first day I've spent in my "den/living room" in months and months. First, I rarely turn on the heat for the whole house & just use a space heater in my room - so it's COLD in the den usually which discourages prolonged visits. Second, my TV died in that room. It was a bigger screen than my little TV in my room, and the room is too big to see a little screen across the way. Then, in August, there was the Flood and everything got moved OUT of the den - carpet and old brick were torn up - new wood floor went down.
That was September. Now, my folks are heading to Florida for the winter, and I've been awarded custody of their TV (they plan on getting a new one in the spring). I'm not sure how big the screen is - like 32" or something like that? Yesterday, the bf & I went and got the TV and brought it to its new home. We hooked it up and spent the day watching football. And I can actually see the FOOTBALL! The bf brought down the boxes of books and knick knacks I had on my shelves before the Flood. Now I just have to put stuff on the book shelves he made me, and I have to get a new lamp. Then I will be SET! Amazing.
As we sat watching the games yesterday, it was like I was visiting somebody else's house. I've never had the furniture arranged like this. Haven't spent much time there since the new floor was put down - other than passing through to the kitchen. It's like I have an entirely new room. I like it very much, but it's absolutely NOTHING like the room was when we initially moved in 10 years ago. Dark depressing panelling has been painted lemon, carpet & brick are gone, new floor down, new furniture (that the bf made for me - 2 tables, 2 bookcases). It's a very weird feeling. I don't know how long it will take for the space to feel like home, but I'm intending on enjoying it. You're welcome to come see - the bf says you'll probably want to bring your Snuggly blanket with arms. (Hey - I didn't say I was gonna turn on the heat!)
That was September. Now, my folks are heading to Florida for the winter, and I've been awarded custody of their TV (they plan on getting a new one in the spring). I'm not sure how big the screen is - like 32" or something like that? Yesterday, the bf & I went and got the TV and brought it to its new home. We hooked it up and spent the day watching football. And I can actually see the FOOTBALL! The bf brought down the boxes of books and knick knacks I had on my shelves before the Flood. Now I just have to put stuff on the book shelves he made me, and I have to get a new lamp. Then I will be SET! Amazing.
As we sat watching the games yesterday, it was like I was visiting somebody else's house. I've never had the furniture arranged like this. Haven't spent much time there since the new floor was put down - other than passing through to the kitchen. It's like I have an entirely new room. I like it very much, but it's absolutely NOTHING like the room was when we initially moved in 10 years ago. Dark depressing panelling has been painted lemon, carpet & brick are gone, new floor down, new furniture (that the bf made for me - 2 tables, 2 bookcases). It's a very weird feeling. I don't know how long it will take for the space to feel like home, but I'm intending on enjoying it. You're welcome to come see - the bf says you'll probably want to bring your Snuggly blanket with arms. (Hey - I didn't say I was gonna turn on the heat!)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
latest craftiness
The weather turns cooler & I pull my crochet stuff out again. Study through my crochet books and magazines - play through my stash of yarns. I found this pattern for a hotpad holder and thought it was lovely. Mine? Not so much, and I doubt I'll make it again.
http://www.crochetmemories.com/archive/lorettasstarbursthotpad.html
And I made several more of the double sided scrubbies/potholders to use as coasters on my new living room furniture. I just can't decide what I should do next? I've got a baby blanket hibernating quietly in the corner - nobody's pregnant right now (I think that's a good thing). Oh well, it's definitely one of those things where the journey is the fun part - and deciding where/how to start the journey is where I am now...
http://www.crochetmemories.com/archive/lorettasstarbursthotpad.html
And I made several more of the double sided scrubbies/potholders to use as coasters on my new living room furniture. I just can't decide what I should do next? I've got a baby blanket hibernating quietly in the corner - nobody's pregnant right now (I think that's a good thing). Oh well, it's definitely one of those things where the journey is the fun part - and deciding where/how to start the journey is where I am now...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Rainy day musings
I love not having to go to work. There's something absolutely WONDERFUL about waking up knowing the day belongs to YOU.
I spent part of it driving Miss Jessica which was a wonderful way to get to spend time with her. I've thought about it a lot, that I don't know how to have a relationship with my grown-up daughter. While I love my mom dearly, ours is not the relationship I'd choose to have with Jes. I struggle between wanting to participate so much more in her life, to wanting her to experience her independence, to just feeling like a 3rd wheel being in the way. So I throw up my hands and try to answer "YES" whenever she calls or asks for my help or opinion or whatever I can offer. When I think about how I love her, the answer comes back, "Fiercely." I know that I will do whatever I can, whatever she needs unquestioningly. Kinda like a backup quarterback ready to step in at a moment's notice to run the show. I'm usually happy with the situation, and hope she is too.
I finished up "The Hour That I First Believed" by Wally Lamb today. I started it back at the beach, and it's quite the heavyweight read -- very dense, filled with history and characters and mental illness and ups and downs and on and on and on. I think the book could've used a better editor - so much is included that neither informs the reader or characters nor advances the plot. In places, hundreds of pages could've been summed up in a paragraph. Which is probably why it took me so long to slog through to the finish. It was not as good as either of Lamb's either two weighty books. I remember loving every twist and turn of "She's Come Undone." Not this one - although it combines Civil War nursing with the Columbine massacre. I'm glad I finished and looking forward to the next read I pick up. Maybe it will be Steig Larrson's next one. Or the Philip K. Dick reader (birthday g/c booty). The only guarantee is that it will not be another doorstopper like this one.
I spent part of it driving Miss Jessica which was a wonderful way to get to spend time with her. I've thought about it a lot, that I don't know how to have a relationship with my grown-up daughter. While I love my mom dearly, ours is not the relationship I'd choose to have with Jes. I struggle between wanting to participate so much more in her life, to wanting her to experience her independence, to just feeling like a 3rd wheel being in the way. So I throw up my hands and try to answer "YES" whenever she calls or asks for my help or opinion or whatever I can offer. When I think about how I love her, the answer comes back, "Fiercely." I know that I will do whatever I can, whatever she needs unquestioningly. Kinda like a backup quarterback ready to step in at a moment's notice to run the show. I'm usually happy with the situation, and hope she is too.
I finished up "The Hour That I First Believed" by Wally Lamb today. I started it back at the beach, and it's quite the heavyweight read -- very dense, filled with history and characters and mental illness and ups and downs and on and on and on. I think the book could've used a better editor - so much is included that neither informs the reader or characters nor advances the plot. In places, hundreds of pages could've been summed up in a paragraph. Which is probably why it took me so long to slog through to the finish. It was not as good as either of Lamb's either two weighty books. I remember loving every twist and turn of "She's Come Undone." Not this one - although it combines Civil War nursing with the Columbine massacre. I'm glad I finished and looking forward to the next read I pick up. Maybe it will be Steig Larrson's next one. Or the Philip K. Dick reader (birthday g/c booty). The only guarantee is that it will not be another doorstopper like this one.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Beach Vacation Pics
When I win the lottery, I'm gonna be a beach bum. I will be brown and not care that my skin looks like leather. I will read ALL the books I want to read. I will listen to the ocean as I read and turn brown. I will play in the ocean with the fishes. I will be calm and peaceful every day.
I will share my sunshine-filled days with my sweetie. I will master the ability to take a picture of both of us by sticking out my arm with my camera.
I will wear my "I'm Grumpy Because You're Dopey" hat.
I will have great birthday fun. I will get presents (like my DelSol earrings and necklace).
I will have great fun. Just like we did on our vacation!
I will share my sunshine-filled days with my sweetie. I will master the ability to take a picture of both of us by sticking out my arm with my camera.
I will wear my "I'm Grumpy Because You're Dopey" hat.
I will have great birthday fun. I will get presents (like my DelSol earrings and necklace). I will have great fun. Just like we did on our vacation!
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