With all the wedding bells in the air when Jes and James married, Chuck & I decided to tie the knot in November. This November. First things first - we got hotel reservations for Thanksgiving weekend to honeymoon! We went back and forth, over and over trying to get someone to make the ceremony legal - which is all I care about. Quick. Legal. Over - let's celebrate! We started with the date 11-11-11 - pretty neat date, but couldn't get an officiant. I didn't want a church wedding (seems silly to me to have my third wedding in a church) - and ministers want you to do the pre-marital counseling - which I'm sure is a valid and good thing to do - but not for me. I don't get along with church anyway. We switched the date to 11-22-11, and I arranged for one of the Court Magistrates to come to our house and marry us at 5:30 that day. Witnesses will be few, close family. Quick. Legal.
Wednesday we visited James and bought two nice wedding bands. Today, we're going to the Clerk's Office to get the official marriage license. We don't have to take an eye exam or pass a written test - just show ID and pay the fee.
Am I nervous? Sure. Am I sure? Mostly. I find myself unable to trust or believe in anything or anyone as completely and fully as I was capable of in my youth. Too many broken dreams and promises, too many heartaches and heartbreaks, too many tears. I do remember the day I married my first husband. It was a golden August day. I remember looking up at him, with the sun shining all around him in a golden halo and knowing for sure and certain that it was the right thing. And it was. The right thing for me that day at that time of my life when all I wanted to do was be a grown up - free and on our own and in love. What it really meant was getting a job and working fifty weeks a year - then we grew up and grew different, and I'd prefer never speak to him again. We did have two gorgeous, wonderful daughters who remain the best thing I've ever done. They gave me the brightest hours - the darkest hours.
So here I go again. Trying to trust. Trying to believe. I know if I fall, he will catch me.
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