On Being Wrong

I hate being wrong. Not that it doesn't happen all the time, of course - but I hate it nonetheless. I don't like having my beliefs disproved.

Does this happen to everyone else too? Do you have your faith shaken regularly? Do you question what you believe to be true on a daily basis? Have you had god shake his fist in your face and tell you how silly you were to believe in the first place? Do you latch onto something, gladly thinking that at last you have found something good and right, only to find you were mistaken yet again?


This seems to be my life. The road my life follows. While it may seem that I find something intrinsically different which will change the direction of my life, I find myself back where I began - shaking my head in bewilderment - "Oh no! How is this possible? Why am I here again?" No matter the trail of bread crumbs I leave, I always wind up back at the beginning - bearing more scars, perhaps, feeling more disillusioned, steadfastly vowing, "Never again! I'll never go down that path again!" ha. how utterly ridiculous.

I suppose everyone says "This is always happening to me." I'm sure psychologists say we invent situations over and over - so we can learn the lesson we are missing each time. Slamming into the wall being forced to recognize my mistakes (yet again), I'd rather smack my forehead and have a V-8.

Irreparable damage is done in the name of postponing conversations. I understand the old adage about never going to bed angry - I get that one. Get all the crap out into the open so everyone can see it - can agree it exists - can then decide individually how they want to handle it. Being angry about something and refusing to tell the other person what you're angry about? Geez. Frustration. Anger. Yet I suppose it accomplishes what it sets out to do - makes everyone rein in, go to neutral corners, put up their walls to protect themselves against some unstated charge - how can you defend yourself against the rumour of an accusation? How can you protect from it happening all over again - without knowing what IT is? Are you to feel justifiably punished for whatever it is without even knowing?

Ah yes. I thought I'd found the Magic Ring. I thought I'd grown up and gotten beyond mind games. Dammit - I thought I'd finally gotten it RIGHT. And I find myself being wrong again.