June

I have found renewed love for my crochet since stumbling into a very active Ravelry.com group called "Vanna's Choice Fan Group." They are funny and wise and constantly keeping my interest in crochet at a fever pitch. I've joined a swap - 20 squares in five set colors that I'll make and send out into the world, and 20 different squares will come to me for an afghan. Loving it so far! I've also signed up for the "mysteryghan" - which I've never participated in before. The pattern designer sends out "clues" every week with instructions for a motif. I make the motifs, then wait anxiously for the next clue. For Ms Control Freak, it's freeing to jump off the ledge not knowing what the final project will look like. So far, it's lovely, and I'm very happy with it. I come home from work every day just wanting to get out my yarn and HOOK!

I got through Anna's birthday this week. Five birthdays without her now. Big difference between an 17-year-old and a 23-year-old. What have I missed? What has SHE missed! I feel more and more like only a few of us are remembering her anymore. I know that happens - people have lives that fill up with so much other stuff. I remember her. Constantly. Every day. I know Jes does - and Katie - and Ashley. I just want to scream - DON'T FORGET HER! DON'T FORGET MY ANNA!!! So consider that my screaming for the day.

Chuck has a new job (again) - starts Monday as maintenance guy for two apartment complexes. Fingers crossed he'll last long enough to get me back on my financial feet. Paying real estate taxes and insurance out of pocket every June and December kills me! Where do they expect me to come up with an extra $500?

He is off on an overnight camping trip, so I'm going to get off the computer and get out my yarn and hooks and patterns and have some crochet fun. (yes, I know I'm a geek - proud of it)

MayDay

I'm having a great weekend. What am I doing? NOTHING! HOORAY! No alarm clock! No responsibilities! I've had something to do every day for a long time - even on the cruise, I had to hurry up and get to the buffet! Heaven forbid I'd miss one!

So I'm at least doing nothing structured. I took a long walk this morning when the sun finally came out - so that's my "activity points" for the day. I'm doing laundry and hanging it on my new clothesline. I've signed up to do a swap on Ravelry.com (the most wonderful crochet & knitting website ever!) - so I'm planning which 9" square patterns I want to use.

I worked on my Moorish Mosaic afghan yesterday. LOVELY! While taking the picture, I realized that one of my octagons was really a ?(what's the word for nine-agon). The brown one. So I had to take out all the brown and redo it. much better! It just makes me smile - even though all the motifs aren't exactly the same size, that will work out when I put it together.




Jes has commissioned me to try and come up with her bridal bouquet out of crochet. Here's one I tried - called "Mumsy." I think a bunch of these together would make a very nice, fluffy bouquet. Suggestions welcome. In addition to her bouquet, she's looking for crafty, relatively inexpensive, DIY ideas for table centerpieces. Also, suggestions welcome. Ramona and Cindy are also on the "Crafty Ideas Committee."


I am going to Raleigh this coming weekend (Friday through Sunday) for Weight Watchers "Basic Leader Skills" training where I will learn to be a WW Leader. I've been a WW Receptionist since last fall, and I enjoy it. It does help keep me on track and accountable - so I won't let my weight creep back up. I look forward to being a Leader. Fingers crossed all goes well.

I have to take a "Before" picture to the training. D'ya think this is TOO before? I think I was a very cute kindergartner - back in the days before color film (much less digital).



This is the picture I'm using. It's not very good - I pretty much avoided the camera then. Didn't want to be photographed. Somehow, being overweight is much worse when you look at a picture of yourself. You can kinda lie to the mirror, but a photo in hand is hard to explain away.




SO! That's my May update. I am very glad to have a weekend to crochet and catch up on shows on my DVR. Here's hoping next weekend goes smoothly - then the next weekend is a THREE-DAY WEEKEND! HOORAY!!!! I'm planning another NOTHING weekend. Do I know how to live-it-up, or WHAT!

It's been a while

It has been a long while since I've been here at my blog. Wonder why? I had nothing to say? nothing to do? nothing going on? Hmmm... nothing's changed - I still got nothing! Okay - except for going on the 3G Cruise over Easter. 3G = 3 Generations of Bryant/Shelton - 3 gramma's, 3 moms and 3 grandsons. I'm so looking forward to it! I love being with the Sheltons - and of course, I adore my Jes and Elisha most especially of all!

Then, there's Jes & James' wedding in September. I just want love and joy and lifetimes of happiness for all three of them. {Insert happy sighs while visions of lovebirds tweets around}

My lovelife is fine. Nothing groundbreaking - no crises. That's a good thing! Chuck has a job now (yippee!!) PLUS he's rebuilding my carport for me. The realization came to me today that he does what he says he'll do. Now THAT is groundbreaking! ... work is work. I'm also working as a receptionist at Weight Watchers & I will go in May to "Leader School" to be a meeting leader. I like how since it's my "second" job, there's much less stress about it. If I like it, fine! If I don't, eh... I have kept my 35 pounds lost last year off over 12 months now. Yay me!

My main reason for being here now is that I am going to start a major crochet project. (Yeah, I know - how exciting.) Well! For me - it IS exciting. I remember seeing the pattern several years ago and thinking, "Ugh! That's waaayyy too much work for me!" And now, I think I can do it. I am going to give it a shot anyway. It's not that the pattern is difficult - it's that the layout is highly unusual and different. It's called the "Babette." I bought the yarn (over 17 colors) today.

Here's the link to find more info about this pattern from Interweave Press:

http://www.interweavestore.com/Crochet/Patterns/Babette-Blanket.html

and what their picture looks like (I chose different colors):

I've also started another challenging crochet project. In this one "Moorish Mosaic" afghan, the pattern is kinda difficult - but it's the same pattern for all the octagons (24, i think). The beauty comes from different rows done with different yarns. So far, it's lovely!

I think the decision to start the Babette came when I realized I had finished up a major project. I did 30 squares in purples and greens out of cotton yarn. I've been accumulating squares (each a different pattern) for about two years. Then I saw - "Hey! I've got 27 squares! Might as well finish up 3 more and put them all together!" So I did. It makes me happy.

Lately

I'm actually composing this post on my new-to-me iPod touch using wi-fi. Amazing. Still working out the details but really loving it. Gotta love an inside connection to PawnAmerica!
I will officially start my training to work @ wt watchers this week. That's what I need -another job. But this will keep me on program so I don't just gain my 35# back.
Have decided to do Xmas eve @ my house for a change this year. Big change. Maybe I'm old enough at last. Turkey tacos?


Five years. It's almost five years without Anna. I miss her so much. I missed her @ E's birthday party. She has missed baby e growing into his 7-year old self. She has missed so much. And I've missed so much of her -a lot happens from 17 to 22. So much. Too much.
I'm glad for the relationship I have with Jes - without her I'd be empty.

Too much.

53.

I'm 53 years old. How the hell did that happen? 53. I remember thinking someone in their 20s was OLD! So mature! and here I am. on the far side of 20. for sure.

I celebrated my birthday week in grand style. Doing nothing. I took a week's vacation from work - although there was no money to go anywhere - I made the best of my Stay-cation. One day I spent with Jes going to GSO to the craft store - to Steak N Shake - where I had the YUMMIEST banana milkshake! - then to the health food store. Yum-OOOOO! It's just so much fun to be with her - to listen to her stories - to be so proud of her, her beauty, her wisdom, her nuttiness, her mothering abilities, her nursing heart. Amazing. She is a completely amazing woman.
And one day I spent with my Mom & Dad going to a Chinese food buffet in Lynchburg - where I had wonderful food - and it was so fun to spend time with my mom and dad.
And one afternoon, I picked the E-Man up from school (first grade!) - and then we went to Hobby Lobby and got supplies - then I taught him to needlepoint. A very basic simple design - the most awesome letter "E". He chose green canvas and yellow yarn to "sew" his design for his mom - because those are her favorite colors. And of course, there was Taco Bell and Bubba's!
And one day it rained - and I slept in! Every time I'd start to wake up, I'd think, "HA! I'm not going to work in the rain!" and roll over feeling like I'd won the lottery.
And I'd sleep til 8 am (which is LATE considering I have to be at work at 7!) - then I'd get up, put on my sneakers and out I'd go for a nice long walk. I think I walked about 15 miles or so. I enjoyed it - because I wasn't tired from working all day - because it was nice and sunny at 10:00 in the morning - because if I walked, I could justify eating whatever I wanted for dinner. In addition to GSO and Lynchburg and Taco Bell and Bubba's, I had Western Sizzlin buffet one night.

THEN! At WW Saturday, I'd lost .4 lb. It was the walking.

It was such a nice week. No arguments. No office politics. No idiots to deal with at work. then it was over, and I'm back to work.

And I'm getting ready to start training as the newest "receptionist apprentice" at Weight Watchers. I figure it'll keep me on my plan, encourage me not to let the 35 pounds jump back on with their friends. Not stressing over it.

I get next Monday off for Columbus Day - then have two more days off this month. I love the fall.

otr2010

Click here to view these pictures larger

On depression

A friend at work loaned me her copy of "Jan's Story" by Barry Peterson. He is a CBS news reporter, and the book is the story of his wife's journey with Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease. She was in her early 50's when she was diagnosed; she was living in a facility with the end-stage of the disease as the book ended (her body remains relatively healthy even as her brain deteriorates). It was a well-written, interesting, informative book that talked about the stages they moved through as a couple for years. He apparently adored her - he portrays her as a perfect, happy, cheerful, exuberant, intelligent woman before the disease took over.

I understood his descriptions of his own journey into depression and suicidal thoughts as he struggled to be the best caregiver he could be. I share the following quotes here, because I don't want to lose them -- and because I've been there. Barry's daughters and granddaughter pulled him back from the edge -- just as my love for Jessica and Elisha yanked me back.

P 135 – “… there was another storm of emotion forming; … why keep going? Why? It is a volatile and dangerous question. And when there seems no purpose and no destination in life, there looms a dark place where there is an answer, an frightening but calmly appealing answer. And I thought perhaps in that darkness I would find, if not solace, an end to the pain.”

Pg138 – “I was finally and hopelessly lost in the darkest part of a valley, a deep abyss, a place that offers no good rason to go on. In this valley, in this blinding blackness, all you can see is what is gone. And you only see that in your memories.”

P 139 – “It was the pain, not my life that I wanted to end.”

And so I was pulled back from the edge that Anna leapt from. I understand in my head and in my heart, but the pain endures unchanging.